I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
