it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dicks are not precious.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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