Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
