I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
