i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
