yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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