Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
