I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
