Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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