There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
