btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
