I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
