the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
