Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
