I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
