soooo we both peed the bed last night...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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