fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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