dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
