Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
