I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
