Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
