I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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