singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
