Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
