i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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