the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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