I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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