Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize