Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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