playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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