i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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