I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
