I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
