I wanna passion pit in your ass
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
