porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
