absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
