if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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