So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
