just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
