How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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