Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
