My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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