You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
