so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
