How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize