I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
