Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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