My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
