I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
