Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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